Birthday week

    My birthday has always been a fun day for me even if I wasn't able to celebrate it the day of, I was always able to do something the following weekend. This year was a little bit different and I actually had to spend my birthday studying for an exam that I had the next day. Now you're probably wondering, well why couldn't I celebrate the following weekend? I had to spend my weekend studying for finals and attending my brother's graduation. My brother also attends Purdue and he would have graduated this past summer but he needed one more credit to graduate. Attending his graduation made me think about college and at this point, I can't even begin to think about graduating. It seems as though I will be in school forever and I have such a long way to go but I know that when my last year is here, I will be thinking about this moment. I am so worried that I won't do well and that this will all be for nothing if I am not good at my job. I shouldn't be worrying about those things right now but it's very easy to doubt myself. I really need to get into the habit of thinking about all of my accomplishments instead of dwelling on the bad. For example, I could be happy that my finals will be over soon and I will have a nice break waiting for me instead of complaining about how hard finals will be. 

Gift Giving

    Is there an art to gift-giving? Why does gift-giving have to be so hard? I love to get my friend's gifts and feel accomplished knowing that I just got them something that they have been wanting for a while or something that they would totally love. While I do enjoy giving gifts, I still have a really hard time getting them. I easily find gifts for my best friend because I know her just as well as she knows herself and I know that she would love any gift that I get her. On the other hand, I have a friend who I have known since kindergarten and I still have no clue what to get her. Every single year I think for hours about what I could possibly get her and I'm sure that she would appreciate most of it, I know that some of the things I've gotten her have never actually been used.  That thought-out gift that I once spent way too much time deciding on is now laying in her closet somewhere or collecting dust. I know that we all have that one person in our lives who is just so hard to get gifts for and it always makes me feel bad because I appreciate this person and would like to show them that but yet I cannot make up my mind. 

Thanksgiving Break

My Thanksgiving break has gone by so fast and I wish that I could redo my break. My break started on Tuesday because I only had one class so I went to my class and came home and started baking. I knew that I wanted to spread out my baking into two days so that I wouldn't get overwhelmed. I spent two hours baking an apple pie cheesecake and my entire house smelled like apples and cinnamon. My mom's birthday is November 24th and this year it landed on the day before Thanksgiving so I was very frustrated when I ordered my mom's gift three weeks before her birthday and it had yet to arrive. The gift was being sent with FedEx and every time I tracked the package, it said that it was delayed but it hadn't moved for two weeks. I contacted FedEx and they, unfortunately, lost my package and couldn't do anything for me. I then contacted the company that I ordered the gift from and they luckily gave me a refund for the lost package. Since I suspected that I wouldn't get the package in time, I had ordered a backup gift so that my mom wouldn't be left without one. I don't know if anyone reading this can relate but every year before a big holiday, my mom decides to deep clean the entire house and when I was younger I hated every moment of it. My job has always been to dust the furniture and polish things so that everything is pretty and shiny but when I was younger, I would pout the entire time and I would try to get out of it.  On Thanksgiving Day, I helped my mom cook and then quickly got ready to join my boyfriend at his Thanksgiving dinner. I ate way too much but I had a really nice time seeing his family and getting to know new people. My boyfriend then went along with me to my aunt's house where my Thanksgiving dinner was being held and it was his first time meeting my cousins and aunts and uncles. I couldn't eat very much since I already had dinner with his family but I somehow managed to fit one more plate of food into my stomach. I am so thankful for my friends and family and I have no clue what I would do without them. They are my biggest supporters and are always there for me when I need them. Now my question to you is, what are you thankful for?

My Weekend

This past weekend I spent doing homework and spending time with my boyfriend. He didn't have to go to work over the weekend so we spent the day together on Saturday. We started our Saturday by going out to eat with his parents at TGI Fridays. His mom works at a salon and is always telling us stories about some of her clients and funny things that happened to her while she was at work. My boyfriend and I spent two hours with his parents and then we stopped at Target to buy some matching Christmas pajamas. I know that Thanksgiving hasn't even passed yet but I have been getting so many ads on my phone for Christmas pajamas. I know that a lot of my friends don't wear pajamas to bed and usually just wear comfortable clothing but I am always wearing pajama sets to sleep or even when I don't feel like wearing actual clothes then I will be found walking around my house in pajamas. My boyfriend and I searched through the piles of Christmas pajamas at Target and both decided on a pair with assorted dinosaurs in snow. We went home and took pictures together in our pajamas and also decided to bake chocolate chip cookies together. My boyfriend isn't very interested in baking/cooking so whenever we decide to make something, he always leaves it up to me to do the majority of the work. I have no problem doing most of the work but it's always interesting when I give him a simple task and he somehow turns it into a very difficult one and does it in a way that I wouldn't have thought of. I ended my weekend by finishing my homework and watching season 3 of You on Netflix. 

Christmas

     

    My favorite holiday has always been Christmas and it's not just because I receive gifts. My favorite part about Christmas is when Halloween is over and you begin to see stores put out their Christmas decorations and commercials on tv are Christmas-themed. There is something so magical about Christmas, I love driving around and seeing houses covered in twinkling lights and pretty light-up figures. I know that some people hate it when Halloween is over and everyone just skips over Thanksgiving, but I love it when Christmas rolls around. Ever since I was little, my dad would take my brother and me with him to the mall and he would have us help him find Christmas presents for my mom. I am not sure how but it has become my job to pick out my mom's Christmas gifts because I always know what to get. I genuinely love the stress of trying to find gifts and searching through the stores along with everyone else who decided to wait until the last minute to find gifts. I also love walking by bath and body works and seeing all of the Christmas candles out and the second you walk by, you get a big whiff of all of the Christmas scents inside the store. I could go on and on about why I love Christmas so much but enough about me, what is your favorite holiday?

Collegebound

    Once I knew where I would be attending college, I immediately applied for college-bound. College-bound is a scholarship for Hammond residents and it pays for your college tuition. They still recommend that you apply for FAFSA since College-bound can only pay for your tuition. College-bound gives you money based on how long you've lived in Hammond and they also take other factors into consideration but students can receive a maximum of $10,000 for college tuition. If you get accepted you must maintain your GPA and most importantly you have to complete 40 hours of community service per year.  For the past few weeks, I have been going to my high school every Friday to complete my 40 hours of community service and I'm working towards finishing the total hours needed for my four years. Luckily they allow you to go over the 40-hour minimum and anything over those 40 hours goes towards your next year. My brother completed his four years' worth of hours during his freshman year just so that he could get it out of the way and I am trying to do the same. Even though I am so tired of going every Friday, I know that it will all be worth it when I no longer have to worry about completing the hours. 

My Weekend

 

Halloween is slowly arriving, and this past weekend I went to the movie theater with my boyfriend and his brother. My boyfriend grew up watching Michael Myers movies and has always been terrified of him. I love scary movies but I had never watched these movies before. My first time seeing one of these Halloween movies was last year when the previous movie in the series came out. I thought that I wasn't going to like it and was mainly there for the popcorn and slushies. I have always loved going to the movie theaters to see new movies and enjoying different candies and eating popcorn. It's been really weird going to the movie theater over this pandemic. You're required to wear a mask unless you are eating or drinking. Everything that you were once able to do has changed over this past year and you're now required to sanitize and wear a mask. When I watch movies I always forget that it's not real life and that the actors are able to walk around without masks on, but in my mind I'm always wondering why no one has a mask on. Anyway, the movie was really good and I would definitely watch it again but if you are someone who dislikes the sight of blood then I wouldn't recommend that you watch it.

Fall Break

    My fall break was not very successful. Most people would say that it was and would have no idea as to why I feel this way. Before fall break started, I told myself that I was going to relax but I was also going to try and be productive. I was going to finish my work, study for upcoming exams, but also spend time with my boyfriend and just simply find time to do absolutely nothing. Instead I found that on Friday and Saturday, I completed my work and for the rest of my break I did nothing. I did manage to spend time with my boyfriend and I also spent a lot of time with my parents. All throughout this break, I had the constant reminder in the back of my mind that I needed to at some point force myself to study. Was I successful? No. Sadly, I spent way too much time catching up on shows that I haven't been able to watch and I started to watch Squid Game. 

I began to watch the show just to see what all of the hype was about. I soon found myself wanting to go on to the next episode and this cycle continued. My boyfriend and I would facetime and watch the show together instead of doing our work. I felt really guilty about not studying and not being proactive. I feel that college breaks are not actual breaks. Sure you don't have to go to class and you aren't being assigned work or anything but you still have to think about any exams coming up or even a quiz. When you were in elementary school, middle school, and even high school, any sort of break was a great break because you genuinely didn't have to worry about upcoming exams or things that you need to study for. You got to spend your time doing nothing or being with friends the whole time and there was no guilt. I wish that I could go back in time and go back to the days when I had no responsibilities and my biggest worry was that I had to do chores or little things on my mind like missing my friends.  

Time

I feel like there are so many things that I need to do but just not time. Every time I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do things, I think about my intro to nursing professor. She says that sometimes we all wish that we had more time but if you go into the settings on your phone and look at your screen time, you’d see that maybe you would have had more time if you didn’t spend it on your phone. I feel like I truly get distracted being on my phone. I often feel myself reaching for my phone but then stopping myself just so that I don’t waste time. If I don’t get distracted by my phone, then sometimes I even find my own thoughts distracting me. I start to think about something I forgot to do or a due date that’s slowly approaching. I’m no longer focused on what is in front of me but now I’m worried about something that I must make time to study for. I have never considered myself a procrastinator until now that I’m in college and have multiple assignments that need to be completed for the week. I find myself finding excuses just to not do my work. On the bright side, I am starting to get better at focusing and finding what works for me.

Note: This was a free write that I did in class so this was just what happened to be on my mind at the time. :)

Studying

    I recently realized that I have found myself learning more and more things about myself. One of the things that I realized was that I hate studying. All through high school I don't think that I ever truly went home and studied for an upcoming test. I always thought that my classes were easy and the material was never too hard. I could easily look over the material the day of the test and I knew what I was doing (most of the time). I think something that really influenced this was the fact that I had these classes everyday and after reviewing the material for so long, I was confident enough not to study. Now that I am in college, one of the biggest transitions so far has been studying. Of course I decided to become a nurse so now I realize that I have so much to remember. The materials are not something that you can look at for 30 minutes before taking the exam and seamlessly remember. I have been trying to find new ways to study but I found that making flashcards is probably my favorite way to do so. 

I don't hate the act of studying but I never have the motivation. I have a really hard time trying to convince myself that I need to get up and study. I often find myself getting anxious just thinking about all of the material that I need to start remembering and I freak myself out just thinking about how I'll ever fit all of this into my brain. Once I have actually motivated myself to study, I just love the feeling of knowing that I have actually remembered all of it. There is this feeling that I get once I have mastered the material, I get this satisfaction of knowing that I successfully did something right. It might sound weird but its the only part that I actually enjoy about studying. 

Apple Orchard

 

    This past weekend I went to the apple orchard with my best friend. Unfortunately, I didn't get to take any pictures of us together, but I enjoy the moment when I'm with her. I hadn't seen my friend in a while especially since I started school so this was the perfect time to see each other. She spent the night at my house so that we could wake up early and go to the apple orchard before it became crowded. In the morning, we hauled ourselves out of bed and made our way to the apple orchard. Even though we got there early, there was already a large crowd of people. Being at the apple orchard was a nostalgic experience because I hadn't been to the orchard since I was in elementary school. 

    Our experience started by getting on a tractor that took us all the way to the areas where you can pick all different kinds of apples. Unfortunately, most of the apples were already picked or had fallen off the trees so we had to walk to another area with more trees where we found some apples. The sun was beating down on us and our hands were turning red from holding our heavy bags of apples. We got back onto the tractor and headed back to the gift shop/ bakery.  The second you enter the bakery, you experience a wave of the smell of apples and cinnamon. We both bought fresh cider and apple donuts but everywhere you look, you can find so many different freshly made products and snacks. 

    After spending too much time inside the gift shop, we paid for our apples and our other findings. We decided that it would be best to take our stuff back to the car and then return for the other fun activities. My arms were ready to give out by the time that we made it back to the car. It was a very hot day and there was no shade so the sun was on you at all times but that didn't stop us from going into the corn maze. I gave up trying to read the map on my phone so my friend read the map the whole time and directed us towards the exit. My shoes were covered in sand and dirt by the time that we made it out of the maze but it was definitely still a fun experience. 

    We ended the trip by going to the kid's petting zoo. There was no petting involved since the animals are surrounded by fencing and considering the fact that most of them were sleeping or avoiding the tiny hands wiggling through the holes of the fence. They had goats, ducks, donkeys, and more. We took pictures of the animals and decided that we were both very hot and it was time for our trip to end. We both ran to the car where we could sit in the air conditioning and enjoy our apple cider slushies. I went home regretting the fact that I went out instead of finishing my homework but I think that I would do it all over again. School can become really overwhelming especially when you stop doing things that you love. I may have had to stay up later than usual to finish my work but at least I got to have fun before doing it. 

Exams

    

    Last week I ended the week thinking that I have two exams coming up and everything was going to be fine. I made Quizlets, worked on study guides, I even took practice exams, and yet I still felt like I didn't know everything. I looked over the slides that the teachers had gone over in class and yet I still felt like I wasn't fully prepared. I entered class today and I was so nervous for my first exam. I wasn't really sure what to expect. Overall the whole experience wasn't too bad, I felt like time was flying by as I moved along in the test. Towards the end, tons of students were getting up to leave and turn in their tests, and I began to rush. I felt like I was taking too long to answer the questions and I was going to run out of time. I hope that I did well on the exam because the material will only get harder as time goes on. 

    I recently learned that I now have an additional 2 more exams to study for and I have no clue how I am going to fit all of this information into my brain. I feel as though I need a better way to study and someone to struggle with. I am already overwhelmed and I don't know how I am going to get out of these four years of college alive. Four years seems like forever at this point and I hope to find better ways of getting through all of the work. I hope that anyone reading this does well on their exams and I wish nothing but the best for you. I am always open to new friends and having more people who feel the same way that I do. 

Update: I passed :)

My Sunshine

   

    I am starting off this post by saying that I genuinely could not come up with something to write about. I feel like I am just not a very creative person when it comes to writing. I decided I was going to talk about someone very special in my life. Recently my boyfriend, Luke and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We started dating at the beginning of our junior year in high school. I would have never gotten the courage to talk to him but one of my friends was trying to help him find a girlfriend and decided to set us up. Ever since we started dating, we have been inseparable. We do almost everything together and he can't get rid of me. 

    I had no idea that someone could have such a big impact on my life. Lately I have been super stressed out about school and rethinking my decision to become a nurse. I feel like I am slowly sinking into a hole and I don't know if I will be able to pull myself out of it. Going into college I knew that becoming a nurse was going to be hard work but yet I decided that I still wanted to persevere. I am going to be honest, I am very lazy and nursing requires you to study everyday and treat it like a full time job. My boyfriend pushes me every day to do my work and always gives me encouragement when I need it. He is always there for me and will always listen to my worries.  He gives me the motivation that I need when I can't seem to give it to myself. 

    We have the greatest memories together and there is never a dull moment. We share many laughs together and even through bad times we always find a way to cheer each other up. He constantly reminds me to not be so hard on myself. If I ever begin to doubt myself, he is the first one to scold me and remind me that I really am not as bad as I think. I don't know how he deals with me or why but I'm glad that he doesn't regret his decision. I don't want to go on and on about our relationship because someone reading this is probably cringing at the topic that I chose to write about for the week. I just thought that it would be nice to share this part of my life with someone.